Friday, May 26, 2006
An Emerging Response
In response to "what verse to write" the first question is who is me and the second is do I know what I am here to do? The ego is certain. The Self is aware. To choose between the two is what gives life its spice. As many of you know, I have been a student of the Course of Miracles for over a year now. I use the daily devotionals as a means to a means. That is it opens my communion with Self and from there God/dess. (For clarity I use God/dess as my reference point as I beleive there is a non-exclusive Source that binds us together regardless of gender. I also believe the male female archetype is alive in each of us and all things and expresses itself as Truth in Life.)
After I dropped the Whitman poem into my last blog, I spent some time reflecting on what to answer and then the clarity came in this daily devotion #330. There is more to this, but for now I just want to say that the physical experience I am having is a blessed journey. So many of you speak wisdom to me and help me clarify my thinking. I sat for almost a week, feeling the pain dominate all my interpretations. Finally, I yeilded to higer authority of the medical doctors and started taking my pain medicine on regular basis. Giving up on the expectation that surely my positive thinking would prevent my pain. It turns out that it was not the lack of positive thinking it was the lack of uniting in God/dess's Will.
My recent reference to being "doped" was spotted by a dear friend. He pointed out that what I am experiencing is the "miracle of a molecular relief". What a wonderful way to reframe the lower vibration of "dope". In this same way I seek to reframe the "me" in "I" and "thou". Please follow as I try to simply articulate this over the next few entries.
I start with this and will explain in the next entry.
Lesson 330
(What is Creation?) *
I will not hurt myself again today.
Let us this day accept forgiveness as our only function. Why should we attack our minds, and give them images of pain? Why should we teach them they are powerless, when God holds out His power and His Love, and bids them take what is already theirs? The mind that is made willing to accept God's gifts has been restored to spirit, and extends its freedom and its joy, as is the Will of God united with its own. The Self which God created cannot sin, and therefore cannot suffer. Let us choose today that He be our Identity, and thus escape forever from all things the dream of fear appears to offer us.
Father, Your Son can not be hurt. And if we think we suffer, we but fail to know our one Identity we share with You. We would return to It today, to be made free forever from all our mistakes, and to be saved from what we thought we were.
With Much Love and Life,
North
After I dropped the Whitman poem into my last blog, I spent some time reflecting on what to answer and then the clarity came in this daily devotion #330. There is more to this, but for now I just want to say that the physical experience I am having is a blessed journey. So many of you speak wisdom to me and help me clarify my thinking. I sat for almost a week, feeling the pain dominate all my interpretations. Finally, I yeilded to higer authority of the medical doctors and started taking my pain medicine on regular basis. Giving up on the expectation that surely my positive thinking would prevent my pain. It turns out that it was not the lack of positive thinking it was the lack of uniting in God/dess's Will.
My recent reference to being "doped" was spotted by a dear friend. He pointed out that what I am experiencing is the "miracle of a molecular relief". What a wonderful way to reframe the lower vibration of "dope". In this same way I seek to reframe the "me" in "I" and "thou". Please follow as I try to simply articulate this over the next few entries.
I start with this and will explain in the next entry.
Lesson 330
(What is Creation?) *
I will not hurt myself again today.
Let us this day accept forgiveness as our only function. Why should we attack our minds, and give them images of pain? Why should we teach them they are powerless, when God holds out His power and His Love, and bids them take what is already theirs? The mind that is made willing to accept God's gifts has been restored to spirit, and extends its freedom and its joy, as is the Will of God united with its own. The Self which God created cannot sin, and therefore cannot suffer. Let us choose today that He be our Identity, and thus escape forever from all things the dream of fear appears to offer us.
Father, Your Son can not be hurt. And if we think we suffer, we but fail to know our one Identity we share with You. We would return to It today, to be made free forever from all our mistakes, and to be saved from what we thought we were.
With Much Love and Life,
North
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The Call While Waiting
O Me! O Life!
Whitman
O me! O life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the
foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish
than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the
struggle ever renew’d,
O the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I
see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me
intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these,
O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Whitman
O me! O life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the
foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish
than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the
struggle ever renew’d,
O the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I
see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me
intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these,
O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Havn't Got Time for the Pain
I'm 14 days into radiation treatments. 14 more to go. Well, I had every intention of proving that my "specialness" would keep me from having sores and pain. So guess what? I am human. The pain and sores inside my mouth are real. They are raw, tender and not the kind you would ever want to share with your first girlfriend on your first date. I spent the weekend feeling pain and fighting the emerging belief that I was not strong enough. Plus, on the outside, my skin is peeling and very dry around my temple area and right ear. These are all symptoms of radiation. They will go away. But in the short term they are likely to only get worse.
I went to the doctors early yesterday to discuss taking a break for 2-3 days. The truth is it will take longer than that for the symptoms to heal. Plus, I would run the risk of a small group of cells banning together to anchor another tumor. So the decision. TAKE MORE DRUGS and ENDURE. I will be taking more rinses to numb the inside of the mouth, fight bacteria and fungus. PLus, I will be taking more regualar doses of Tylenol Codine. This combined with my anti-nausea medicines (three different ones) will yield a perpetual "I don't care state". That is I don't care or have time for the pain. It is not the path I would like to have chosen. But given the distraction and fatigue caused by the pain, I'll take being doped, I am a reaonsonable man and have made a choice. So for the next 14 days, give me dope and give me liberty! Damn the sores and full steam ahead.
I am 100% on the food tube. Even my intake of water is by the tube. Its amazing how much I resisted it and how it is now just a part of my being. I will consume about 2,800 calories per day with the mixtures. So we all hope this will get my weight back on stabalized.
Gotta go to the next treatment. If you see a glow moving down the i-5 take a second look, it may be yours truly- radiated and smiling like "I don't care"
I went to the doctors early yesterday to discuss taking a break for 2-3 days. The truth is it will take longer than that for the symptoms to heal. Plus, I would run the risk of a small group of cells banning together to anchor another tumor. So the decision. TAKE MORE DRUGS and ENDURE. I will be taking more rinses to numb the inside of the mouth, fight bacteria and fungus. PLus, I will be taking more regualar doses of Tylenol Codine. This combined with my anti-nausea medicines (three different ones) will yield a perpetual "I don't care state". That is I don't care or have time for the pain. It is not the path I would like to have chosen. But given the distraction and fatigue caused by the pain, I'll take being doped, I am a reaonsonable man and have made a choice. So for the next 14 days, give me dope and give me liberty! Damn the sores and full steam ahead.
I am 100% on the food tube. Even my intake of water is by the tube. Its amazing how much I resisted it and how it is now just a part of my being. I will consume about 2,800 calories per day with the mixtures. So we all hope this will get my weight back on stabalized.
Gotta go to the next treatment. If you see a glow moving down the i-5 take a second look, it may be yours truly- radiated and smiling like "I don't care"
