North's Journey Journal

I'm 14 days into radiation treatments. 14 more to go. Well, I had every intention of proving that my "specialness" would keep me from having sores and pain. So guess what? I am human. The pain and sores inside my mouth are real. They are raw, tender and not the kind you would ever want to share with your first girlfriend on your first date. I spent the weekend feeling pain and fighting the emerging belief that I was not strong enough. Plus, on the outside, my skin is peeling and very dry around my temple area and right ear. These are all symptoms of radiation. They will go away. But in the short term they are likely to only get worse.

I went to the doctors early yesterday to discuss taking a break for 2-3 days. The truth is it will take longer than that for the symptoms to heal. Plus, I would run the risk of a small group of cells banning together to anchor another tumor. So the decision. TAKE MORE DRUGS and ENDURE. I will be taking more rinses to numb the inside of the mouth, fight bacteria and fungus. PLus, I will be taking more regualar doses of Tylenol Codine. This combined with my anti-nausea medicines (three different ones) will yield a perpetual "I don't care state". That is I don't care or have time for the pain. It is not the path I would like to have chosen. But given the distraction and fatigue caused by the pain, I'll take being doped, I am a reaonsonable man and have made a choice. So for the next 14 days, give me dope and give me liberty! Damn the sores and full steam ahead.


I am 100% on the food tube. Even my intake of water is by the tube. Its amazing how much I resisted it and how it is now just a part of my being. I will consume about 2,800 calories per day with the mixtures. So we all hope this will get my weight back on stabalized.

Gotta go to the next treatment. If you see a glow moving down the i-5 take a second look, it may be yours truly- radiated and smiling like "I don't care"